


Guys, Maria Hill is Never Conducting This Sexual Harassment Seminar Ever Again

by silverfoxflower



Series: Tumblr-style Commentfics and Drabbles [2]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Sexual Harassment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-25
Updated: 2012-11-25
Packaged: 2017-11-19 11:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/572883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverfoxflower/pseuds/silverfoxflower





	Guys, Maria Hill is Never Conducting This Sexual Harassment Seminar Ever Again

Maria Hill was a dedicated agent of SHIELD. She had put fifteen good years of her life into serving her country, postponing plans of a family, friends, or a permanent residence. For her exemplary work, she was given a position at Director Fury’s right hand. She received the hard missions, the long hours, the inglorious tasks, but at the end of the day, she could at least go home with the feeling that she had done good.

This would not be one of those days.

\--

“Today.” Maria had to stop and grit her teeth before she could go on. “Today, I will be leading you in the SHIELD Sexual Harassment Seminar.”

Before her, in a grey lecture hall usually used to introduce Junior Agents to the wonderful world of blowing things up, sat all six of the Avengers, plus Dr. Jane Foster and Darcy Lewis, Intern. Maria struggled not to hate them all, especially Tony Fucking Stark, whose hand shot up and then started waving around obnoxiously when Maria purposefully ignored it.

After about two seconds, he started talking anyways. “Agent Hill, I think I speak for the class when I say that this is all a monumental big waste of time. And time is money, especially my time. I had Jarvis run the calculations once and every minute I spend here costs you, me, and possibly the taxpayers $128.48. True story.”

“You remember the exact change?” Clint turned his head and stared at Tony incredulously.

“What can I say?” Tony shrugged. “I have a head for numbers. Also nicely shaped butts. Which reminds me, Cap-“

Maria, who had been entertaining a detailed fantasy of pinning Tony down and filling his mouth with cement, quickly pressed a whistle to her lips and blew. Everyone jumped, and because they were the Avengers, reached for their weapons. Thor’s hammer came whistling from across the room, headed straight for Bruce’s head. Steve put his shield up just in time, but it was too late for Bruce, whose skin rippled in surprised fear. Clint scooted backwards as fast as he could and tripped over a desk, bringing Tony down with him. As Bruce hulked out in the middle of the room, Thor grabbed Jane in a bridal carry and blasted a hole in the ceiling to fly her to safety. Steve similarly hefted Tony and Clint, one under each arm, and rushed out the door. Darcy, who was valiantly trying to taze the Hulk’s ankle, was spirited away by Natasha, but not before the Hulk started guffawing, falling down on the mess of desks and mumbling about how that _tickled_.

On her damage report, Maria wrote: “In an effort to halt Tony Stark from making a sexually harassing remark to Capt. Steve Rogers, $17,483 worth of SHIELD property was destroyed. I deem this seminar a success.”


End file.
